Your villanelle is impressive, but I just adore the flow of your prose poem! My husband and I took the kids to a local garden store and then put up bird feeders and played outside today, so my poem came about as a result of our little adventure.
This is such a precious moment, A. :) I really love the gentle breezy flow of this one, and especially the way you tied the beginning to the end.
"Memories like pebbles
tucked into pockets
inside my mind,
to carry home." Just love this :)
And yeah! Like I wrote, it was in my mind since Astrid offered a villanelle on day 2, and I just wanted to try it for fun :) I definitely don't think it's as ethereal or expansive as my free flowing poems, but I like trying out the contained direction as one who rarely finds herself contained on the earth ;) Just playing and seeing how it goes - I certainly didn't expect anyone else to write one this day necessarily! haha
This is very sweet, A! You had me at pudgy fingers! I like the flow of this poem, and the way you use double same letters in consecutive or near consecutive words--pebbles in pockets, trinkets and treasures, feathery fronds, glide gleefully, rushing racing, savouring soft...these add a wonderful lyrical compoennt to this very imaginative poem. Your writing is very expressive, and give such life to events like a visit to the garden store. This is exceptional!
Thank you! I'm a huge fan of alliteration. Sometimes I wonder if it's too much, but I think the type of poems I tend to write lend themselves to it well.
What a challenge Jillian! We are inside on a day of rain, filling our buckets, watering the earth. Ii is a good day to try both forms! This is no Dylan Thomas or Sylvia Plath, but it was fun! I used the astericks to mark the seperation between stanzas and final quartrain.
Treasure (first stab at a villanelle)
Love is our greatest treasure,
Day by day, year by year
Boundless joy without measure.
********************************
Swirls of ecstatic, endless pleasure
brought forth without fear,
Love is our greatest treasure.
********************************
Buckets of rain, barometric pressure
love swims forth even in tears,
Boundless joy without measure.
********************************
Slow sultry day, sweet, easy leisure
music that only we can hear
Love is our greatest treasure.
********************************
Flowers broom, earth shifting fresher,
hearts in sync, love so clear,
Boundless joy without measure.
**********************************
No need any longer to keep a ledger,
our dance is forever, one and only dear
Love is our greatest treasure
Boundless joy without measure.
Brainstorm Prose Poem
There is no map to the deepest treasure. Only the heart that moves moment to moment. Following a whim, playing a tune new to you, seeing the world anew through clearer eyes.
Love is a treasure, quite for sure. It is meant to be practiced and followed, active and alive. It is not hard, painful, or ragged with sharp edges. Love may be in those places, but it is crying for release. Love transcends and triumphs. Not as a champion or a winner, but as a sweet fragrant flower that appears after the storm. Love is a treasure, and the best maps will not guide you. Only this time, this breath, the sheer quiet harmony of letting go of destination, and being with the journey. Love is a treasure, boundless joy without measure.
Wow, Larry, how wonderful! That villanelle is HARD, isn't it? Haha, I'm not certain how often I'll employ the form myself. But I'm so impressed - these are both so lovely! I'm with Julie, I also thought the line "No need any longer to keep a ledger" was fun :)
I REALLY appreciate your willingness and enthusiasm and curiosity to see love in all places, and to hold your own heart open as an oasis for it. You have such a beautiful way of embracing the world, it's so infectious to me!! Thank you so much for these :)
Loved both of these Larry! I love the line and even had a giggle, "No need any longer to keep a ledger, our dance is forever." Love is beyond the need to track it, for it is boundless. Perfect!
Oh this is funny, I was going to say you have rhymes in here too! Then I realized maybe that is part of a villanelle? Oops I guess I missed that part.
Haha, we are all likeminded creative souls here together. I'll of course put my voice to this chorus. My bread and butter has always been, and will forever be, less structured, but... I also have a discovery personalities that draws me to try "radical" new things every once in a while haha. The form is a different way of working with the poem's energy, and I appreciate that too in my own practice.
Regardless, totally seeing and smiling with all your free flowing folks :)
Agreed with the others, Chuck! This is a super you take on the villanelle and wherever you've taken it, I love it! :) I do especially love the staccato rhythm of how this turned out - it feels like a beat you are absolutely marching your own confident way upon! And then, finally, I really appreciate the many areas of treasure you lead us through - I tend to agree with your concluding statement! <3 Thanks!
Wowwww, Julie, what a treasure your poem is! It's super delicious. I love that you created a villanelle in exactly your own way, whether or not it lines up with the traditional way, because honestly, yeah, I really love to feel you and your flow shine through.
Reading this, it felt like listening to ASMR, or being led through a really resonant meditation. There was something about the combination of seeing the partial villanelle structure together with your own sovereign voice that was sublime. It's probably also because your message shines through loud and clear to me.
I ADORE your two refrains:
"Treasures within must be opened in order to be received,
golden rays as delicious wonders, birthright to us all."
YES. Like I said to Larry, I so appreciate the way that you see and move through your world. What a message of hope and beauty, beautiful golden medicine. I'll look forward to revisiting this one again and again! <3 Thank you.
Jillian, this means a lot to me! Deeply touched. And I can't thank you enough for the space you created here. The freedom to experiment with such brilliant poets, I feel completely supported.
JILLLLLL OMGGGGG YOUR VILLANELLE IS TOO BEAUTIFUL <3 <3 <3 I'm SO honoured to have had a role in you being inspired to write it! Welcome to the fold of wildly complicated poetry forms with repeated lines, there is sooo much magic in them and also in the challenge of creating with the restraints!! AHHHHHHH I am so full of joy right now <3 <3
Your villanelle is impressive, but I just adore the flow of your prose poem! My husband and I took the kids to a local garden store and then put up bird feeders and played outside today, so my poem came about as a result of our little adventure.
Pudgy fingers place
pebbles in pockets,
trinkets and treasures
to carry home.
Hands dance along
feathery fronds and
glide gleefully over
rich, velvety petals.
Tiny feet rush
through the grass,
chasing each other,
racing the wind.
Fleeting little moments
rushing, racing past,
chasing each other
like tiny feet.
Fragments of time
dancing and gliding,
lingering like hands
savouring soft petals.
Memories like pebbles
tucked into pockets
inside my mind,
to carry home.
This is such a precious moment, A. :) I really love the gentle breezy flow of this one, and especially the way you tied the beginning to the end.
"Memories like pebbles
tucked into pockets
inside my mind,
to carry home." Just love this :)
And yeah! Like I wrote, it was in my mind since Astrid offered a villanelle on day 2, and I just wanted to try it for fun :) I definitely don't think it's as ethereal or expansive as my free flowing poems, but I like trying out the contained direction as one who rarely finds herself contained on the earth ;) Just playing and seeing how it goes - I certainly didn't expect anyone else to write one this day necessarily! haha
This is very sweet, A! You had me at pudgy fingers! I like the flow of this poem, and the way you use double same letters in consecutive or near consecutive words--pebbles in pockets, trinkets and treasures, feathery fronds, glide gleefully, rushing racing, savouring soft...these add a wonderful lyrical compoennt to this very imaginative poem. Your writing is very expressive, and give such life to events like a visit to the garden store. This is exceptional!
Thank you! I'm a huge fan of alliteration. Sometimes I wonder if it's too much, but I think the type of poems I tend to write lend themselves to it well.
There is NO SUCH THING as too much alliteration :DDDDD It's one of my favorite tools! You're so good at it!
Not too much, keep alliterating! Is that a word?
It is! And thank you!
That's the term I was looking for! It's not too much, and you do it well!
What a challenge Jillian! We are inside on a day of rain, filling our buckets, watering the earth. Ii is a good day to try both forms! This is no Dylan Thomas or Sylvia Plath, but it was fun! I used the astericks to mark the seperation between stanzas and final quartrain.
Treasure (first stab at a villanelle)
Love is our greatest treasure,
Day by day, year by year
Boundless joy without measure.
********************************
Swirls of ecstatic, endless pleasure
brought forth without fear,
Love is our greatest treasure.
********************************
Buckets of rain, barometric pressure
love swims forth even in tears,
Boundless joy without measure.
********************************
Slow sultry day, sweet, easy leisure
music that only we can hear
Love is our greatest treasure.
********************************
Flowers broom, earth shifting fresher,
hearts in sync, love so clear,
Boundless joy without measure.
**********************************
No need any longer to keep a ledger,
our dance is forever, one and only dear
Love is our greatest treasure
Boundless joy without measure.
Brainstorm Prose Poem
There is no map to the deepest treasure. Only the heart that moves moment to moment. Following a whim, playing a tune new to you, seeing the world anew through clearer eyes.
Love is a treasure, quite for sure. It is meant to be practiced and followed, active and alive. It is not hard, painful, or ragged with sharp edges. Love may be in those places, but it is crying for release. Love transcends and triumphs. Not as a champion or a winner, but as a sweet fragrant flower that appears after the storm. Love is a treasure, and the best maps will not guide you. Only this time, this breath, the sheer quiet harmony of letting go of destination, and being with the journey. Love is a treasure, boundless joy without measure.
Wow, Larry, how wonderful! That villanelle is HARD, isn't it? Haha, I'm not certain how often I'll employ the form myself. But I'm so impressed - these are both so lovely! I'm with Julie, I also thought the line "No need any longer to keep a ledger" was fun :)
I REALLY appreciate your willingness and enthusiasm and curiosity to see love in all places, and to hold your own heart open as an oasis for it. You have such a beautiful way of embracing the world, it's so infectious to me!! Thank you so much for these :)
Thank you Jillian! Thank you so much for being an amazing guide and life changing teacher!
Loved both of these Larry! I love the line and even had a giggle, "No need any longer to keep a ledger, our dance is forever." Love is beyond the need to track it, for it is boundless. Perfect!
Oh this is funny, I was going to say you have rhymes in here too! Then I realized maybe that is part of a villanelle? Oops I guess I missed that part.
Thank you Julie! Giggles are good! We are all sojourners on this form and structure journey, and we go where Spirit leads!
I love that you did both versions again, Larry. I tend to be drawn to the poems with a freer flow, but both are lovely.
Yes I am drawn more to free flow as well. This villanelle was challenging for me. More structure than I care for. But hey, give it a try
Thank you A.! I am definitely swimming in unfamiliar waters with the more structured forms, but it is fun to explore!
Haha, we are all likeminded creative souls here together. I'll of course put my voice to this chorus. My bread and butter has always been, and will forever be, less structured, but... I also have a discovery personalities that draws me to try "radical" new things every once in a while haha. The form is a different way of working with the poem's energy, and I appreciate that too in my own practice.
Regardless, totally seeing and smiling with all your free flowing folks :)
Yep me too!
(allrite, here goes, my blind, got absolutely-no-clue stab at a villanelle(ish?) type thing)
.
.
Gold.
Silver.
Hard cash ten-fold.
.
Power.
Control.
Insatiable devours.
.
Greed.
Hoard.
Respect guaranteed(?)
.
Originality.
Legacy.
Approaching immortality.
.
Fame.
Pornography.
Desires aflame.
.
.
The bible's wiz,
Matthew and Luke both say,
Your treasure is
Where your heart is.
I like that you adopted the rhyme scheme with significantly shorter lines. It really punctuates your naturally raw style.
👍👍🙂naturally raw. 🙂👍👍
Agree!
Great effort Chuck! I like the ending quoting Matthew and Luke!
Agreed with the others, Chuck! This is a super you take on the villanelle and wherever you've taken it, I love it! :) I do especially love the staccato rhythm of how this turned out - it feels like a beat you are absolutely marching your own confident way upon! And then, finally, I really appreciate the many areas of treasure you lead us through - I tend to agree with your concluding statement! <3 Thanks!
Well here is my attempt at a villanelle...
.
Treasures within must be opened in order to be received.
Rich passions of deep heart intimacies, gems of countless joys.
Golden rays as delicious wonders, birthright to us all.
.
Resting atop old dusty pasts resides many falsities and lies.
Layers upon layers, coverings locking away our hidden delights.
Treasures within must be opened in order to be received.
.
Blankets of forgotten dreams of untold passions and desires.
Ventures not taken, creative projects lost in empty corners.
Golden rays as delicious wonders, birthright to us all.
.
Shadows must be welcomed in, met, seen and known.
Stories of dominion, twisted yarns and tales of shame.
Treasures within must be opened in order to be received.
.
By revealing gently these sorrowful pains, knots unravel.
Untied threads become embracing arms for tender hearts.
Golden rays as delicious wonders, birthright to us all.
.
Removing the blinders, undoing the sheaths, these are the keys
unlocking the miracle of what we have always been…
treasures within must be opened in order to be received,
golden rays as delicious wonders, birthright to us all.
Wowwww, Julie, what a treasure your poem is! It's super delicious. I love that you created a villanelle in exactly your own way, whether or not it lines up with the traditional way, because honestly, yeah, I really love to feel you and your flow shine through.
Reading this, it felt like listening to ASMR, or being led through a really resonant meditation. There was something about the combination of seeing the partial villanelle structure together with your own sovereign voice that was sublime. It's probably also because your message shines through loud and clear to me.
I ADORE your two refrains:
"Treasures within must be opened in order to be received,
golden rays as delicious wonders, birthright to us all."
YES. Like I said to Larry, I so appreciate the way that you see and move through your world. What a message of hope and beauty, beautiful golden medicine. I'll look forward to revisiting this one again and again! <3 Thank you.
Jillian, this means a lot to me! Deeply touched. And I can't thank you enough for the space you created here. The freedom to experiment with such brilliant poets, I feel completely supported.
Oops, missed the part about if rhyming. Next time.
You did just fine!!!
Yep, I LOVE it just as is :)
I inadvertently deleted the post when I was correcting a typo--Ugh! I meant every vanishing word~!
Thanks Larry. Touched by what you have said here, taking it into my heart...
That's a good place, your heart! I apologize for my poor typing--I usually have to edit the comments I post! Peace be with you.
JILLLLLL OMGGGGG YOUR VILLANELLE IS TOO BEAUTIFUL <3 <3 <3 I'm SO honoured to have had a role in you being inspired to write it! Welcome to the fold of wildly complicated poetry forms with repeated lines, there is sooo much magic in them and also in the challenge of creating with the restraints!! AHHHHHHH I am so full of joy right now <3 <3